By Nanette Ashby
The sun is shining, and the tulips are blooming just in time for the “lentekriebels” week at Dutch Primary Schools. During this theme week, children playfully learn about their bodies, puberty, and budding sexual feelings. Relationship and Sex Education (RSE) has been part of the curriculum of Dutch primary schools since 2012. The “lentekriebels” week was initiated by Rutgers, the Netherlands Centre on Sexuality, which also provides specific teaching plans for schools and teachers who would like to participate.
Before 2012, RSE was introduced in Dutch secondary schools, usually during biology lessons focusing on reproduction and pregnancy. Out of 6581 primary schools in the Netherlands, 2800 participated in the “lentekriebels” week in 2023. During my certification to become a Relationship and Sex educator, I found out that the Netherlands is internationally known for its low teenage pregnancy rate, which many accredit to the access to good RSE.
RSE is an essential requirement for having healthy relationships and general wellbeing. The World Health Organisation states that everyone regardless of their abilities or identity and without coercion, discrimination or violence, is entitled to the highest attainable standard of sexual health. This right is secured through the general bill of human rights which most countries adhere to. This means access to reproductive and sexual health care services, and to sex and sexuality education. Everyone deserves a healthy sex life, intimacy and love, no matter who you are! Sexual expression and inclusive and healthy education are basic human rights. Yet, that does not mean everyone, especially parents, are on board with the idea.
As mentioned in the article “Lentekriebels zorgen voor nationale opwinding” by Floor de Booys, some Dutch parents and politicians have expressed their disagreement and concerns about the topic of sexuality and sex being included in the core educational objectives. This is not a specifically Dutch reaction, but an international phenomenon. During my certification in the UK and working as a sex educator in Germany and the Netherlands, this is a common reaction. Usually caused by misinformation, prejudice, and lack of good sex education on the part of the parents. Suppose parents are already uncomfortable with the idea of their children receiving age-appropriate education in a relatively safe and controlled setting. In that case, it is very unlikely they will provide the necessary education in a positive and healthy way themselves. However, if children are neither taught at home or in school where then?
Children and young people are rightly curious about their bodies. Having access to the internet from a young age means children have unfiltered answers to all their questions at their fingertips. Instead of looking up pictures of penises in biology textbooks, freely accessible pornographic sites are only a click away. As Jo Robertson explains during her TedxTalk “Why we need to talk about porn” in 2019, by the age of seventeen, 75% of young boys have watched porn, and 58% of girls. A more concerning figure is that one in four children under twelve years old has been exposed to pornography. Usually, the first encounter with pornography is by accident, thus out of the control of children and young people. This could be through peers sharing pornographic images. Sex plays a central role within media culture, especially social media. So, it is even more important to provide a counterbalance to the images and ideologies presented in mainstream pornography. During my high school days in Germany, we still had flip phones, so sexting or access to online pornography was not as prevalent as it is today. Sex education policies are having a hard time catching up with the ever-changing technology. Sexting is finally being included in curriculums, but the pressing topic of pornography seems to still be a taboo. My certification with a British Charity ACET UK, provided me with insight into the UK education system and government policies, which only added RSE partially to the mandatory curriculum in recent years. The RSE I received during my primary school days in Germany was given by an external sex educator like myself, sponsored by a handful of parents and was gender specific. Not perfect, but for the early 2000s very good and planted the seed for my own passion for this subject. Generally, RSE provides the opportunity to discuss bodily changes, feelings, issues, and situations which young people are already dealing with on their own. Creating a safe space for open conversations about sex at home and providing positive, regular age-appropriate sex education in schools is proven to result in more people practising safe sex. Restricting access to sex education might feel like a way of shielding children from even more exposure to these topics. However, as a sex educator, I can say that lack of education can lead to even more issues for young people down the road such as grooming, experiencing or perpetrating sexual assault, teenage pregnancies, criminal charges for distribution of child pornography and sexually transmitted diseases, but to name a few.
Of course, no parent wants to leave their children vulnerable to these consequences. Taking away the shame surrounding some of these consequences is just as important. For example, teaching young people how to take care of themselves involves taking away the shame and taboo around periods and STIs and STDs. Furthermore, providing guidance on how and where to access STI testing and treatment, and birth control options is vital. I was surprised to learn that many of my fellow Dutch students at university had never been to see a gynaecologist before. In Germany, this topic was part of the sex education teenagers received.
Another surprisingly simple thing parents can do is use the anatomically correct words for body parts. It is shocking to me that many men and women cannot correctly identify their reproductive organs yet can use their positions of power to for example limit access to abortions and contraception. This might seem far away from the primary school children learning about the birds and the bees this season, but it is vital that children receive the proper vocabulary to describe and feel comfortable talking about their bodies. This will enable them to talk to a future partner confidently and openly about their preferences and boundaries. It will also benefit the young person when asking for help from health care providers, especially women who are often not taken seriously. Creating code words enforces the stigma and taboo around the subjects. Even though the diversity of euphemisms across languages can be entertaining, it teaches young people that talking about periods or sex openly is not socially acceptable. This secrecy creates the perfect environment for shame and builds unnecessary barriers for people to communicate and ask for advice and support. A vulva is not a vagina and neither should be considered a dirty word!
Good RSE aims to provide young people with tools to better protect themselves. In cases of abuse or sexual assault, it is of huge benefit for the victim, the guardians and the police if the young person can accurately describe what happened to them. Even though these topics are very serious, the lessons don’t have to be. Most of it boils down to consent, which can very easily be taught age-appropriate in kindergarten and primary schools. Especially for children, it is useful to learn the difference between “good touch”/appropriate and “bad touch”/inappropriate in combination with saying no and setting boundaries. Not letting young people access foundational RSE, leaves them unnecessarily vulnerable.
A common misconception is that RSE only focuses on sex. However, the Relationship in RSE is just as important. What makes a good friendship? What is consent and how does one give it? What does a healthy relationship look like? Depending on their upbringing and surroundings, children might not see healthy relationships modelled within their homes. Building self-confidence is important to be able to set and uphold boundaries and give informed consent. Outside of the context of sex, being able to stand up for yourself, and feel confident enough to keep to your boundaries are vital life skills.
When I moved to the Netherlands as one of many international students, I quickly noticed the knowledge gaps when it came to sexual health and contraception. Even though most of us came from EU countries the variations and lack of education were shocking. I must agree with my international colleagues though, the Dutch students were generally more confident and educated. Contrary to popular misconceptions, good RSE does not encourage children and young people to have sex sooner. Usually, the effects are the opposite, postponing sexual activity because the RSE lessons satisfies curiosity. Not providing inclusive RSE can cause detrimental and dangerous consequences for young people. It is precisely because of the access to misinformation that there is an increased necessity for young people to receive correct information through qualified sex educators and teachers as soon as possible. Dutch children taking part in the “lentekriebels” week are thus exercising their fundamental rights.
References:
Booys, d., F. (2021) Lentekriebels zorgen voor nationale opwinding – online article published on AOb on the 4th of March 2024, https://www.aob.nl/actueel/artikelen/lentekriebels-zorgen-voor-nationale-opwinding/
World Health Organization, Sexual and Reproductive Health and Research (SRH), Including the Human Reproduction Special Programme (HRP) https://www.who.int/teams/sexual-and-reproductive-health-and-research/key-areas-of-work/sexual-health/defining-sexual-health
Multimedia sources:
Robertson, J. (23-09-2019) Why we need to talk about porn, TEDxChristchurch TEDx Talks, YouTube, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCY2dOf2eMs&t=748s
Rutgers International, organization’s website https://rutgers.international/
ACE UK, organization’s website https://www.acet-uk.com/
Cliterally the best, organization’s Instagram page and website https://www.instagram.com/cliterallythebest/, https://www.cliterallythebest.co.uk/
Loxleysexology, organization’s website and Instagram page https://www.bimaloxley.com/, https://www.instagram.com/loxleysexology/
The Sex Ed Club, organization’s Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/thesexedclub/
Culturally Curious Podcast:
Ashby, N. (Host) (2023/03/17) Undressing Disability, Sex and Accessibility with Jennie Williams from Enhance the UK (Episode No. 3) [Audio podcast episode]. In Culturally Curious, https://open.spotify.com/episode/23LKVwVLmFS0HbYkM7LbJb?si=w1pd8a8tSRu_8QI2XubV3g
Ashby, N. (Host) (2022/11/25) Intimacy, Mythbusting and Behind the Scenes of Being a Sex Therapist with Bima Loxely (Episode No. 2) [Audio podcast episode]. In Culturally Curious, https://open.spotify.com/episode/5tItMztnm0dJP4CKJnfMKL?si=1y4P_YthTB2GMQ-VGtTtjQ
Further reading:
Ashby, N. (2021) Why is feminist pornography important,?online article published on the 21st of April 2021 in the online magazine Raffia, https://raffia-magazine.com/2021/04/21/why-is-feminist-pornography-important/
Ashby, N. (2021) Feminist porn is not the solution, online article published on the 5th of September 2021 in the online magazine Raffia, https://raffia-magazine.com/2021/09/05/feminist-porn-is-not-the-solution/
Ashby, N. (2022) “Can you even have sex?” The importance of inclusive relationship and sex education to fight false ideas of sex and disability, online article published on the 25th of March 2023 in the online magazine Raffia https://raffia-magazine.com/2022/03/25/can-you-even-have-sex-the-importance-of-inclusive-relationship-and-sex-education-to-fight-false-ideas-of-disability-and-sex/
Raffia 